Sunday, April 25, 2010

CCups.

Catastrophe. I'm getting sick of this alphabet idea. Whatever.
C is for...

Cassady: Resident best friend who lives like 2 houses away from me. Last night she passed out at my house after a party. Wicked. We are hopefully going to university together.
Carpet: I detest the carpet in my Room. It's mad ugly.
Candy: Love it. Eat it. Ate it.
Coral: Is not a flattering colour on me!
Crap: I thought this was a major bad word back in the day until my dad said it wasn't so bad. ha!
Chap-stick: Um.. a necessity in my life. I need it, and so do you. It's what makes my lips so kissable. And my abilities in that region up!
Capable: Of doing things... just way to lazy.. which reminds me.. I need to shower or something.
Creative Writing: I'm a fan of it. Also, I'm a part of a creative writing group, now before you assume my friday nights of ghost whisperer and solitaire (half true) I'll let you know that those cats are some of the craziest party animals I've ever affiliated with. 
Churchill: The name of my Guitar.
Camera Obscura: My uncle intro'd me to this band. I think they're scottish or something. Watch out though, their melodies are hella hard to get out of the head.

Until D.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Bspot.

Alphabet day. B!!!
B is for...

Bananas: Not a fan. Banana flavored things aren't so bad... but eating them on their own? So phallic. 
Best Friends: No generally the nicest thing for those who aren't in this category, but I feel like everyone on my improv team is a "best friend". AW.
Birthing: ....GROSS. my friend is afraid of pregnant women, and I'm afraid of birthing. I mean, gross. seriously. frightening.
Bandeaus: Used to be super against them. Don't ask me why.. it probably was my experience with them when they first came out like a few years ago.. and I was in an american apparel and the woman said to try on my romper with one.. and she gave me a small. Ok, I'm short.. but when it comes to bandeaus.. I'm not a small. I put it on, and it was so grossly constricting and uncomfortable. I bought the romper.. but that's it.
Bella Coola: The name of our cabin at camp this year. Smiley Face. 
Be Your Own Pet: This sick band with this very angry chick lead singer. I like to listen to them when I'm angry because boys don't like me.. or angry that girls are mostly bitches. Bitches.. that's another B-word.
Bitches: Don't make me slap you.

Then end?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Alphabet. - Part 1 of 26

Things about me starting with the letter A.
A is for...
Allergies. I'm allergic to Grass and Penicillian. So image how fun it was to get Scarlet Fever in the summer? Lying on the grass, getting a hella rash on my legs, and then finding out the only medication for scarlet fever that doesn't have penicillin in it causes nausia, dizzynesss, death. I hate my body.
Apples. I really like eating apples, daily. Although it doesn't keep the doctor away much. Damn immune system, always failing on me.
Amber. I have a friend named Amber. A Best Friend. We've known each other for 6 years. She's awesome. 
Alcohol. Obvious reasons.
Anxiety. I get embarrassing anxiety attacks all the time. But it's usually because people are fucking around and not getting their shit together.
Arcade Fire. (Since I must include a band.. if possible) Love them. Great/greatest canadian band. Can't not dance to Rebellion (Lies) whenever it comes on our one good radio station.
Acting. Wanna do it for the rest of my small pathetic life. 
Audrey Hepburn. There's a large photo of her in my room to remind me of what I could look like if I were 10 pounds skinnier. wore more makeup. was from the 60's.

There we go. The letter A. Stay tuned for your favorite Letters. Such as B! and K! and the obvious one, R!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Eyebrows.

I have an addiction
To quoi?
Man-Candy.
So I'm thinking that eventually, I would like to get hella married. And if someone is really dumb enough to ask me to be their wife (ridiculous) I hope our wedding song is something legit, like Samson by Regina Spektor. Or anything by Regina Spektor. Goodness I love her.
Also, I was thinking about life in general lately.
It's pretty fucking different than what I had thought it to be. I was expecting to grow into a lonely cat lady and married to a dude who looked like stephen colbert, minus all the funny. And that's not very fun at all.
I have low standards on how my life will turn out. Housewife, secretly depressed, Desperate Housewives to keep me busy/entertained in my sexless marraige. But really, things are pretty alright. I mean, I'm still in the stupid idiotic thing called High School, but only for a short while. Then I'll be off doing what I lovelovelovelove.
Win-
-Win situation.

Friday, April 2, 2010

I play an unsettling amount of solitaire.

Things:
There's a hurricane outside, the power keeps going off, and i think a tree in the park across from me is going to crash down on my house.
Why the fuck am I sitting in my attic?
I ended something today, in a starbucks. How stereotypical, but whatever. And the weather outside was super shitty to go along with it. I LOVE pathetic fallacies. 
I wrote a song on my ukulele on wednesday. Yup, I actually wrote "Davenport" and it's wicked. I was attending a rugby while writing it. I also did some improvised songs. They we're horrible, but it gave them character. 
I saw a musical at the university I'm auditioning for. It was so excellent. I keep falling in love with this stupid man. argh argh argh.
I'm eating a green lolly.
ALSO, my pal from halifax just told me about this game she invented.. sort of. It's Jenga; the drinking game. !!! How excellent is THAT?!
Craving McDonalds.
Calming myself down.
Playing the Ukulele.
Wanting rum.
Love.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Davenport

Nationals. Wow. What an experience. The Best Ever. 
Not many words to describe it. But here are some things that I appreciated on the trip:
Furst! The people there are only amazing. Workshops were excellent, and I just loved being around so many improvisers. Going to shows were intense. So much freaking fun! And I met my doppleganger! If you're like WTFISADOPPLEGANGER!?!?! it's someone who looks just like you! I met Jailyn, and she lives in Halifax, and we have the same face shape, height, build, mannerisms, nose, hair (hers a bit darker) and fashion sense. She's just slightly more asian than me. 
Secund! Team Bonding! I am in love with every person on my team, and our coaches. Seriously, I want to pinch all of your cheeks with good ol' grandmotherly goodness. Then bake you all a pie. OH! I'm going to write everyone a sentimental letter that will bring tears to your eyes. 
Thurd! The general happiness I felt while attending all sorts of events. Rene! Thanks for the magical music, and remembering our beautiful inside joke from camp. Davenport my friend, Davenport. You were/are my favorite, nottabigdeal.
I hope to be there next year, as a volunteer/chaperone. And who knows what next year brings? amiright? After talking to some "up-theres" I'm thinking of the possibility of moving to the other side of the country to work with the league... aefjsdbwelufjb FUTURE AMIRIGHT???
Ok. Must practice the Ukulele, and write a song for it called "Davenport."
Onto the next thing....

Monday, March 22, 2010

Dedicated to

All the people who rock my world.
Them mens, you know who I'm talking to.
The Music, only the best.
Them Ladies, I LOVE YOU.
IMPROV!! - I couldn't do high school with out you.
Some teachers, actually!
Friends from far away lands. The best.
My dog.
My Family.
My Second Family.
My Children.

...And Michael Buble, for singing me to sleep. GOAL: achieve boyfriend who will sing me to sleep
See you after Nationals!!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Krispy Kreme.

I dont think I will ever go near a Krispy Kreme doughnut again. We were selling them to fundraise for our trip to OTTAWA THIS WEEK!!! (holyshitholyshitholyshit) I'm so excited! I get to see all my friends from camp, and spend a week doing what I love. Improv. :)
And although some men suck, there's always the one's WAY out there who can just make you smile. Even if you are a drunken fool. ...Happy st Paddys?
MY DREAM LAST NIGHT! It featured, Michael Buble and I as a couple (fsahekljdsnalkjklhasf), Skyping with a jewish guy, Me and my friend painting rocks in a park, then following Michael around on his World Tour. Excellent. 
I'm downloading so much music tonight for my trip. Can hardly wait! Woo!
Will UPdate tomorrow.
Beers for Deers. (band name idea)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

He's just not that Into me.

Ok. Get ready for a blog update only the lonely and complainy will enjoy.
I finally figure out who I am, and I'm happy about it. I am me. Short, cynical, funny, and armed with a green ukulele. And obviously I'm going to have my ugly days, I mean I'm not the prettiest of girls, but I'll deal. How come something as simple as completely cutting off communication can spin me into a whirlwind of binge eating, Michael Buble listening and obsessive Skins viewing? [and no, skins isn't porn you fucking pervs.] 
And hey, how come some just get it? They just walk in the light. They know how to deal with situations and don't rely on a blog to complain to. 
Oh Michael, why can't every man be just like you?
I think its the Skins that's making me over dramatic. I'm typing like Carrie from Sex and The City after Mr Big pisses her off. My fingers are in fury.*
Maybe one day I'll get it. I'll graduate and the opportunities for great friendships, relationships etc will open up. And maybe one day someone wont take me for granted. 
Luckily I have some of the best friends in the whole entire universe. Unfortunately they walk in the light. But they let me tag a long. and I love them. 
"xo"
FUCKJSKHLKAJSHBKJSHVAKJHASVKHJDAKBNAEGRWSGLDIUFKHJABSDKLCJKASZFKBDVHCJKGMN,DFCVXUIJKBNSFDCXVJKBANMEGSDFXLCK,AEFDSOCXLKM,ADSVCBJNMAEFSDIOJKLEMFASDGAHFSDKJLCNXBVFSDHKJFB
*gross.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Sick Dog.

I am a sick dog. Well, more like a sick sea lion. I have a nasty cough, and it's ruining what I have left of my vocal chords.
Yesterday was alright for some part. I bought the best shoes in the whole entire world, (Steve Madden thanks for being my foot lover.) and my coffee was good. There was a bit of an awkward 2 hour patch though, without going into detail, I hate it when people kill my good shoe high mood. 
Today, I'm in bed, drinking OJ (simpson) and eating french bread and brie. it's my at-home remedy. I haven't been out of bed, except when I cough so hard I throw up. Unnecessary detail, I'm sorry. Everything hurts.
MRAH.
Timing. I think the "theme" of my life, so far, is timing. I have the worst timing. I'll probably be like 50 when I finally find someone to love, and unable to bare child. My birthday is bad timing, my love life is bad timing. Damn. DAMNDAMNDAMN
enough of my complaining. FUNNY MOM QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Kelli, you have to get used to eating Salmon if you're going to grow up and marry a nice jewish boy!"
OOOH mama.
love (or like, shwaaa)

Thursday, March 11, 2010

ZOmbie.

I was dreaming last night, as I usually do with my overactive imagination, and in said dream the zombie apocalypse had happened. And I know why this dream happened, it's because I watched ZombieLand last night. And I was in the (not-very-well-written)musical Zombie Prom. 
Anyway, the dream.
Well, it was every normal Zombie Apocalypse. There was a shit load of zombies lumbering around eating people. I was in bed while most of  this was happening, and when I finally sliped out of bed, I looked out my window on to the monstrosity. Pretty terrified. I quickly changed into what seemed like suitable zombie fightning attire (jeans, t-shirt, confortable shoes) and I grabbed my gun (??) and ran into my garage into my car. My family was no where (sad) so I slammed on the gas and reverse hit some crazy zombie mother fucker. I continued driving around my neighbor hood and quickly concluded that no one was left... and if they were... they were in good hands. So I started driving, not knowing where I was going.  On the highway, I noticed a very tall cute guy. He was walking with a suitcase and a HUGE gun (I know what you're thinking, this is the exact same plot as Zombieland, don't worry it changes.) and I decide to help the guy out and let him join me on my journey to the other side of Canada. We drove and drove and killed, and ate, and eventually made it to Calgary, where we found a neighborhood completely free of Zombies. In fact they were having a neighborhood church barbaque. Me and tall cute boy were really pleased to see a group of people at peace in this time. This nun told us it was because jesus was watching over them, but I knew it was because of their HUGE metal fence covered in fire. (we just clicked the call button and after they saw we were normal they let us in.) After some food, we went into the church where the nun told me she had secretly hidden some stuff that would help us on her journey under the couch, so I went searching and found a bunch of keys and some letters and survival guide tips. When I thanked her for what we found she asked if I had the "big boy". When I said I had no idea what she was talking about, she explained to me that she had left a machine gun that would kill a two zombies with one blow. When she realized someone in the church had stolen it she fainted, then quickly revived herself and set up an interagation room. We then interviewed people (all of them familiar faces from my drama class) and eventually got the Romanian guy to confess he stole it. Cute guy and I were really excited about our find. I ran, jumped into his arms with my legs wrapped around him and smiled at his face. He was really tall, but while I was up there I kissed his face. How adorable. Back to the gun. When we got it, we finally left. Cut to boring driving and killing random sparce zombies. (most had died by now, and truthfully, not many made it to Canada in the first place) We made it to Toronto, where he found his (not alive) family, but said he would stay there based on the resourses and lack of alive zombies. I said my goodbye, feeling a little lost inside because he was so sweet, but the small kiss later, I was on a train headed to New York. The Zombie apocalypse was over, and I was on my way to be a broadway star. I doubt I'm good enough for broadway, but most of them died, so I was into the benefits. On the train I sat across from this guy I know. Man. Guy-man. He's older. ANYWAY. He was telling me about his breakup with this chick with a child. He was going to New York to get away from the disapointment. I told him I was going to be a star, and he told me he believed in me. (gush). So I scooted over next to him to talk more about his depressing girlfriend, and I told him about tall cute guy, and he said that I was too short to be dating tall men. I was a bit insulted. Then he rubbed his beard on my face. 
Then I woke up.

Any idea's on what this dream means?
Also I got my hair done, and it looks fabulous. Love it!
Lates Crates.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Take it slow.

UGH COMPLAINING.
stupid people. people meaning one specific person.
I'm dying my hair tomorrow. 
Hopefully by tomorrow I'll look like this:




















pffaw I wish.
UGH, I somehow managed to get Coconut Lime Moisturizer all over my glasses. I'm such a mess.
Lates Bill Gates.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Just a word of Advice...

Don't ever trust a homeless person to hold onto your cash.
TRUST ME.
ALSO. I am in love with Coeur de Pirate.
She's just so lovely.
Have a splended weekend all, and if you are like my school, have a relaxing spring break. 
Get hamm'd.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Omegle

Ok this shit is so weird.
But not as weird as this shit.

BOTH FRIGHTEN ME (follow links to understand)
(But then come back and comment)
Here is an example of what has happened to me recently:
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hay
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl/
You: 18 girl Canada BC
Stranger: 21 m france
Stranger: name?
You: FRANCE!?!?!?!?!?
Stranger: i m sam
You: you speak french
Stranger: ya
Stranger: no
You: so do i!!!!
You: oh
Stranger: i was born in namibia
Stranger: i study here
Stranger: n i m white
Stranger: helloooooooooooo?
You: wut up?
Stranger: i'm kinda horny
Stranger: right nw
You: c'mon man.
You: really?
Stranger: yeah
You: you think you can get some kind of sexual release talking to a stranger halfway around the world?
You: sad.
You: so sad mr namibia

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

March Madness

This is going to be an insane month.
And I'm SO into it.
PS. Kitty Pryde - from X-men - was the representative Jewish character. She was my favorite, the obsession started young.
Imma go have a baby and get married before graduation!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

I am a pregnant teen.

cept not.
I am incredibly intimidated by those teens on The Secret Life of the American Teenager.
It's either their non stop talk about sex.. ALL THE TIME or the episodes about masturbation, condoms in purses, practice kissing with your baby daddy, Mother's dating younger men, and oral sex. Those have been the main themes in the past 4 episodes I've watched.
Or, quite possibly what miffs me about the show is Molly Ringwald and her mousey, scary face. And yes, when watching the breakfast club I was more of a Ally Sheedy fan. They all seem pretty calm about the fact that Amy is 16, and has a baby. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm from a small town, or the fact that we have never had a girl to get pregnant and keep the baby at my school. Or even be pregnant at school. But no one I know is super open about talking about their babies or (hilariously obvious packaging) condoms. And might I add how completely FUCKED it is that they talk about getting married to each other and how some guys aren't the "marrying type". Am I crazy or are they SIXTEEN!?!?!?! I mean, I say I'm going to marry people, but.. it's different because I'm not seriously considering getting married at my age. which is older than 16.
And in all honesty, I am quite surprised they haven't had multiple episodes of them going to parties and getting hammered. It is more realistic. Booze. 
Oh christ, if my mom read this update.
Also I'm going to marry Lee Pace, because he's amazing. Everything I like in a man. Eyebrows, Older (30), Played a Pie Maker, and 6'3.
Until then...

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Pushing Daisies.

I love this show, I have been told I remind some people of Anna Friel, the lady who plays Chuck. I'm so flattered by this fact. 
I want to grow up and marry a pie maker. or a music maker. or someone that is awesome?
....and can make pies.
I am so hot for teacher.
Quote from life: "Aw we're all snuggle-y" - "Your nose is in my eye socket" - "Happy Valentines!"

Monday, February 22, 2010

Suckaz.

What up nerds?
Good old (young) Liz Lemon.
Seriously.
Life has been pretty lovely. Boy Toy. Etc.
Wednesday night I'm hosting (slash MCing) for a Haiti Benefit concert. And I didn't even volunteer. I was ASKED. Suck it.
Just getting one step closer to being an MTV Canada VJ. Maybe? One Day? No? Cool.
If you know me, you know why I'm chipper.
Go team life!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Stupid Sexy Flanders.

Hello. Or as Oprah would put it, HELLLLLOOOOOOOOH!!!!!
So everyone is in a twitter of our future trip to Ottawa!
But for the time being, why not flunk a few finals and shop for dresses?
Plastic.
Also..
WATCH THIS!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Meet me in.... Ottawa.

I love the improv team. We placed FIRST at finals, and in march we are being shipped (on an airplane) to Ottawa for the Nationals!!
Saw the old beef at the show too. God he's cute. Ring the alarm, I'm crazy.
Went for a full day of school today. WHAT WHAT. Mono is starting to fade away, which is grand, but I have a rehearsal for the musical tonight.
I play a little nerdy girl and a latina singer.
WHAT!?!?!
I'm so stoked on nationals, the trophy we got is huge. 
LOVE.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Ch-ch-ch-changes

things that I always thought we're like a dream, and most likely not happen, are happening!
You know how I make fun of myself all the time for being a dateless, short, not very funny, geek, alcoholic?
WELL!
I officially have a date to prom. Ladies and gents say hello to Dan! We're buds and shat.
I am...still short. But I'm embracing it. Me + Curly-Q hair + cat-eye glasses = life.
My improv team came in 1st on our semi's night, kicking us into first place contender for the finals. - WHICH ARE TONIGHT! *vomits* *breaks legs*
I'm not doing very well in school due to so many doctors appointments due to mono. But some teachers are rad and letting me do the final a week later than everyone else. Squee!
And my liver fuction is not intact, cause of mono, so I am no longer an alcoholic...
For now....
Lates!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

MONONONONONONONO

I have mono
I had it over winter break
I have it now
somehow I am going to school
WHAT IS MY LIFE?!

--In other news Dan brought be seasons 1 and 5 of Sex and the City on VHS to make me feel better. So cute in the face!

I'm embarrassed that I put up my essay, but I got really good on it, so whatever.