Stereotypically, a man is considered the strong one with the abilities to support an entire family. Their wives have adorable up-done hair and calmly give their husbands a kiss as they hand them a coffee cup on their way out the door to earn money so their wives can go on shopping sprees and buy silly things like lipsticks and appliances for the kitchen. In comes Buddy, the loveable son with a baseball glove under one arm and the paper for his dad under the other. He has looked up to his father and says that he too will become an accountant just like him. Sally, the man’s daughter has been politely sewing at the table in between sips of freshly squeezed orange juice that her mother has slaved over since five am. This is what in the 1950’s was considered the American family, a classic archetype that has inspired relationships around the world ever since. But even though it is considered what is “normal” when it comes to a relationship, there is nothing normal about it. Relationships that focus largely on how they are viewed by society may easily become dysfunctional. Regarding a relationship as something that needs to be considerably “perfect” causes a lot of pressure to be someone or something they are not. The ideas of how a family should be and act will not always result in how others believe they should be, causing conflict when someone doesn’t accept it. Basing every feeling off of archetypical personas and stereotypes shows how one should not compare themselves to what is considered “normal.”
Perfection is close to impossible. When in a relationship the idea of having everything in line, seeing things down to every single specific fact, falters out all the good, only seeing the bad. In an obvious dysfunctional relationship, like the one seen in the short story “Domestic Dilemma” by Carson McCullers, pointing out the troubles of the relationship causes one party to give up entirely. Martin, a man who takes care of his family, and works for the money has a wife who suffers from alcohol abuse. While she says she’s the one suffering, the family is the one that is having the hardest time. Martin is so embarrassed with his wife’s behavior; making the rash decision on ending it all, in this specific case, killing her. Martin feels threatened by how the people in town will look at him, at his family, once word spreads of his wife’s drinking issue thinking, “There was no hiding the truth – soon there would be gossip in the office and in the town.” (423) Fearing that his reputation would be damaged from the public eye he left his wife, in some sorts, and decided it would be the better choice to no longer be with his wife, for the sake of himself and his children. Judgment is a big issue on how people start and end relationships. Some couples get married because they think they have been dating for so long it has to happen, or end because they don’t want to deal with the issues that they are dealing with in front of the public. When the third party, the society, enters the picture, the way to really judge a couple is how they deal with the stress of other people watching their every move.
Family values, according to some image posted in a home and garden magazine, families are a troth of happiness and support. In the case of Willy Loman of “Death of a Salesman” by Arthur Miller he believes that families are strong when everyone is working hard and considerably “well liked.” Throughout his childhood, Willy’s son Biff was thought to grow up into a big success because of his athletic career in high school and the many people around him who admired him, but after failing math he was tossed into the life of what Willy considered “failure.” Willy was the most forward about showing how the pressures of how he was viewed by society can make a relationship crack. He cheated, he lost and he broke. After years of forcing his children to go into businesses they did not want to, and making his wife live with his ever shrinking career, Willy finally went crazy. Talking to himself and having flashbacks, he started conflict within his home, causing everyone to worry about him. His years of fussing about how he was seen in society as a salesman finally took its toll on him.
A modern day family does not agree on everything. Subsequently what was not mentioned growing up was that every family has its own problems and its own secrets. One of the most perfect examples of a modern family, is the one portrayed in the film Little Miss Sunshine. The father, Richard, still felt the pressure to be the provider for the family with his business. He demanded respect and felt he had the most authority, just as every father should have. In reality, most of the decisions came from the Mother, who took care of the family, but still came across as more of a leader than her husband. The son, stereotypically known as the father’s follower, was not the usual son, not even his biological son, which adds another layer to this non-perfect family. Like Willy from “Death of a Salesman,” Richard is very obsessed with his career and how he is viewed. The two put a lot of pressure on their families to be a certain way. In the film, Richard wants to be the archetype of a family, judging them when they make mistakes and calling his own daughter fat! After coming to a realization of how he has behaved, guilt ridden, Richard realizes that to be family, they do not need to be what society thinks is right, but what is right in the eyes of the family. So the family dances suggestively onstage at a children’s pageant, to them, this is “normal.”
In theory, basing a relationship on another one adds more pressure than a relationship needs. It is already hard enough to stay stable in any relationship, being it a romantic one, or a friendship or family. With all the pressures of what is “romantic” and “perfect” it can be hard to settle with “comfortable.” Of course a couple needs to be content, but does the eternal sappy love of a fictional vampire for example, have to be what inspires true happiness?
